This is just the beginning...

It’s been just over a month since the big life change occurred. What a month it has been! It’s kind of hard to believe that it has been “just a month”. I have had my good times and my bad times in terms of trying to help Ruby out with Little Raymond, especially at night. Although, I have to say that he seems to be sleeping a bit more at night, giving me and Ruby a chance to get a little bit more rest. That has helped me out, but I don’t really know how Ruby feels. She seems to be holding up a lot better than I have been for the most part. Man, mothers are special. I just don’t know how they hold up raising children. No matter how hard I try to stay up with, or just take the baby off of Ruby’s hands, I just don’t think that I have the energy, patience, or know how that Ruby seems to have. I really do try my best too, but I know that it just isn’t good enough. Effort has to count for something though, right?! I certainly hope so.

Over the past month and about a week, I can see how much my little man has grown. It’s not like he hit a growth spurt at all or anything like that, but you can definitely see changes in him. He is starting to get big. It’s amazing to see it. I started to realize that there is going to be a day in which I won’t be able to hold him in my arms and just stare at him, and him stare back at me. It might sound weird to say, but I almost don’t want that. LOL! I guess there are things, a lot of things, that you cannot control. The thing that I love right now, is that he is starting to “talk.” It’s not talking, but you know what I mean. The noises that he is making, is just, for lack of a better word, cute. I love to hear them. He almost mimics some noises, but it is just beginning. I never realized that babies really do say “A Goo!” Really, they do! It’s not just in tv or in the movies or something like that! Anyway, it is just simply amazing.

I am a person that can step back at current situations, or moments, and realize just what is happening. I can remember a time, it was like the night before my wedding day, thinking that it was going to be the last time that I am going to be alone in bed, at my mother’s house. I knew that it would never be same again. Or another time, when I go to a show, or something like that, where I can step back and say “Wow, this is a special moment!” I can see that the band is on, and the crowd is just loving it. So I do this with my son now. I can spend a night up with him, and think that it isn’t going to last forever. It’s just one of those special moments in time and in my life. I don’t think that most people do this, you know, realize just what is experience at certain moments in life. Maybe they do, I really don’t know.

Somebody, just recently, asked me if I was “high on life.” At the time, I told this person that I was, even though I didn’t really feel that way and just said that because I thought it was the right thing to say, you know!??! Reflecting on the past month, and judging for what I just written above, I think that I really might just be high on life.

Mike

Mike.

What can I say about this guy? He means a lot to me, not only musically but also as a friend and a confidant. This guy really has the drive and the talent to keep going in the music world. He is, and what I should use, as in inspiration to keep going on musically. Especially in a time where motivation has run a little thin for me. Well, I don’t know if this is an accurate statement or not. I mean, I really do want to more of a “musician” it is just that I have lacked the energy. Mike always has time to do something…even when he really doesn’t have the time too, you know!? That guy works so many hours in probably a high stress job, but he is always up to rehearsing. Then he can still go home after practice and think musically. He still will stay up late nights getting into various other things, and do the very same thing again the very next day. I don’t know where he gets the energy. I really don’t. He has always been like that in the 6 years or so that I have worked with him in a musical capacity. It is just truly an inspiration for me.

I can look at him and get motivated. I have to, at this point. I need to get out of the current “rut” that I am in. He is the one person that I should try to be. He just always thinks about music and ways to create, record, or practice it. That is what I should be doing. As hard as I try, right now, I just can’t seem to get off of the ground.

I want to be a better musician. As of now, I wouldn’t exactly say to people that I am a musician, or at least a very good one at all. I wouldn’t even say that I am even close to being a musician in the local music scene, and I want to. It’s something that I have always wanted. As long as I can remember, I have been listening to music. Having the chance to be in a band once before and playing around town, has made me want to continue that.

That is where Mike comes in. He seems to be the person that can help me continue to pursue just what I want to do. I can only hope to, one day, be as talented and driven as he is.

I guess what I am also getting at, is that I want to thank him for just being him. Now, it is my turn to hopefully do the same for him.

Thank you Mike.

It's Tough

The baby is doing so well. He is a great for the most part. He will even let us sleep now. He will wake us up, of course, if he is either hungry or if he has a dirty diaper. That is to be expected. It was a process to get to this point and I am pretty sure that it will continue to be as well....probably from here on out. We have sort of system up. I will take the first part of the night taking care of him, and Ruby will take over the second part of the night. I will take him from like bedtime until 2 or 2:30. Anything after that, and I have a hard time staying up. I wish I could take care of him the entire night, but I guess that it isn't possible. I feel bad leaving him with Ruby. What I mean by that is that I wish I could help Ruby more. I sometimes feel that I don't help here enough. Hell, I try my best, but I still feel that it isn't enough. It may be, I don't know, I just feel that way. I am sure that it is just me though (I hope)....

There are some tough times for me during the night. He had his rough couple of nights. I guess little Raymond had a really bad case of gas in his system that would seem to really hurt him. When that would occur, he would cry and scream. It seemed like it would last forever. Poor little guy. I felt helpless. There wasn't much that I could do to help him. Of course this would happen during the night. It really bothered me too. I mean, I thought I was a patient man until this happened. Turns out during these rough nights, Ruby was the patient one. The thing that got me, was just that I couldn't help him or relieve his pain. I didn't know what to do or what I could do. It really gets you when you are holding your son in your arms and he is crying, and there isn't much you can really do about it.

Turns out that this is a common problem for newborns. And it has gotten so much better. He doesn't seem to have the gas issue anymore. That is good news, but there were times during those rough nights that I thought to myself, "What did I get myself into?" or "I am not ready for this, I'm just not!". I know that may sound bad of me to say, but it is the truth. But I had to also tell myself that it will get better, and that seemed to help. You just have to stay patient. You have to. I mean those times were really trying. You don't want to deal with it, but you have to. And it did get better. So much more. It's all the learning process of this new life that me and Ruby have embarked on. She really has been the best during this whole life change. I am beginning to think that I married superwoman. She just has been truly amazing. I don't know how she does it, but I am glad I have her with me.

Well, just when you get into another routine, and you think you have it all down....something else changes. I have to return to work....damn....

Tired...so, tired...(A Much Different Type of Tired)

Well, my two weeks of taking time off of work to spend time with my new son and my wonderful wife had come to an end, It was time for me to go back to work (ewwww, right?!). I knew that it was going to be yet another adjustment getting back to work. Especially getting up in the morning and having to work like 8 hours. Man, on Sunday night I got everything ready. I mean everything! I put all my clothes in the bathroom so I wouldn't have to do anything but jump in the show and go. Hell, I even set the coffee pot to brew automatically and that way it would be done before I even woke up. I'm telling you, I tried to cover all of the bases that I could think of.

It must have worked. Monday morning wasn't as terrible as I expected. It went through without a hitch. Sure, I was got a bit more tired after lunch time, and I didn't want to work all that much, but I survived it. It's not going to be so tough after all, right?! Ha! Not so...the following (in quotes) was something I typed up on Tuesday morning sometime....

"It was so tough coming back to work yesterday, but it seemed to be much more worse today. I had every intention on going home last night and spending some time with the baby, and then maybe getting on the guitar for a little while. Needless to say, it didn't happen. At this point, it seems that there isn't going to be enough time for me to do what I want, you know?! It's like for real this time. You know, like...after the two weeks off of work, it was like I got into the routine of things, and then I have to come back to work. It threw everything off for me. Not to mention how tired I was last night and this morning. It was like I had virtually no energy at all when I woke up. No joke!! I know that I will get into a new routine again in a couple of days, it is just that the initial feeling is just overwhelming. It was like that the first couple of nights with the newborn, but it just seemed to come back all over again. I hope it doesn't sound like I am freaking out or anything...because I am not, I just wanted to share my feelings for this for some reason...it just takes some really getting used to, you know!? The exercise and playing the guitar thing is going to be hard to squeeze into a schedule. It's just tough getting adjusted, period.

I fully had every intention to exercise, starting yesterday, but man, it is hard to. I mean, in the morning you want to sleep as long as you can, you know?! And the evening, well...Ruby has been with the baby all day long, so I try to take him off of her hands for a while too...so it is just hard to figure out what to do...I know that it will all fall into place eventually, but for now...I struggle..."

Shit...it is still a struggle...I am tired, for sure, but in a strange way after saying all of that...it is getting easier. It's probably more like me getting used to it than getting easier, but it just seems easier. Things continue to constantly change. Little Nicky's hunger is certainly growing, so we have to gauge that and figure out just how much to feed him. He also is starting with the cry once I am put down routine. That isn't making things easier, but we just have to figure out how to live with that and we will be good. I am sure once we get all that down, there is going to be a new challenge. I just know it.

Do I feel like a father yet? Don't know...not really? Maybe once he gets a bit older I will. I mean, I know that I take care of him, but I don't know. It's really cool to see him more alert now. The times when he is up, he just stares and stares. His vision must be getting better too. He seem to follow things now. I can't wait until he starts getting a personality and expresses more emotions. That is going to be really cool. Man the trip is just getting started, isn't it!??! I mean, we are just hitting the tip of the iceberg. Wow...

Catch Up (Trying to)

Ok...I am now just trying to catch up on the past two and half weeks...yeah...it's been that long already. Strange, but cool.

Don't know where to start from because so much has happened. I mean, so many different emotions, thoughts...just everything all around...well...The day of the baby being born, there were some rough times for me. Not terribly rough, but rough none the less. Ruby was laid up pretty good from the C-Section, obviously, so I had to care for the baby at night. (The C-Section was a nervous experience for me). We had plenty of help during the days with all of the visitors in and out of the hospital, that was no problem. Let's not forget that he slept a whole lot the first 48 hours, so there was no worries really. Night time was a different beast all together. You have this new born baby that is crying, and you really don't know what to do really. I was the man the first two/three nights...Ruby couldn't get up, she had major surgery. I also had to change his diaper. I have never changed a diaper before, you know!? I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do it right and stuff like that, but it turns out that there really isn't anything to it anyhow. You just have to get used to things, you know?! It's all new. Sleep becomes scarce right a way, you know?! You feel that right away. I still don't think that I am used to the sleep, or lack there or, that I am getting now. That is the part that you feel you miss the most. You know, you just miss being able to sleep for like a full 8 hours.

It sucked being in the hospital for that period of time. The part that really sucked for me was the night time. It's bad enough that you are trying to figure out the baby and the new situation that you are in, but once the baby decides that he is going to sleep and you put him down, you get happy at the propect of sleeping...finally..right!? Not quite so. You see, you have the nurses, for Ruby and the baby, that come in and out of the room all throughout the night. So you don't get uninterrupted sleep persay, so it isn't all that it is cracked up to be (thinking that you are going to sleep well). Not to mention I had to sleep on the green leather type couch without a pillow. Not that it really made much of a difference because I was so tired.

On the third day, you finally start getting the hang of your new situation and the prospect of actually going home for the first time just makes everything feel just that much more better. Just then, a new nervousness or sorts starts creeping in. I am actually going to go home! Yike! The baby is coming with us, Ruby isn't really mobile and there is supposed to rain like crazy outside?! I got a little worried. It ended up being ok...we didn't get rained on that much and the baby had a smooth ride/transition home. I was glad. Really I was. There is literally nothing like going back to the place you call home after being gone for a couple of days. That is probably an understatement, if one has every been made.

Sorry if these seems a little vague, but I am just trying to collect all of the thoughts as I type this up.

Hadababyitsaboy! (or, whata week!)

Man, is that right!? It has been just over a week now?! I don't know where to start....I mean, I guess I do, but it might end up being a long ass post.

Well, I guess it all started on early Saturday morning when Ruby started having contractions. They seemed to be the first ones that she had during the entire pregnancy. It must have been about 6 in the morning, and of course, I was dead asleep. She proceeded to keep track of them and called the doctor's office once they got a consistant schedule. Turned out that they were "false alarms". They actually went away when we both ate breakfast (I picked up from Kelly's - Egg and Cheese Biscuit, ummm, mmmm..good!) so the rest of the day, they seemed to hold off. Then 6 o'clock rolled around...things started to get very interesting....

When the contractions started up again, there was some pretty good pain associated with them...these had to be the real thing, they just had to be, you know?! Determining that we had to get something in our stomachs again, we decided to hit up Mai's for some good eatin' (and after dropping off my Mom downtown anyhow), it seems strange knowing now that we are actually out and about while she was having real contractions. I suppose that they held off during the time that we ate, but I can't really remember Ruby complaining about them while at dinner. Although, once we got home, the pain came back. I knew early on, the this could potentially be a very long night. Hours went by and the contractions continued at a steady pace. Ruby decide to give the doctor a call again. The anxiousness and a little bit of nervousness began to set in. I guess around 11:30 or so...we get the word to go ahead and get to the hospital. Everything suddenly got all sureal. I mean, looking back at it...it did almost seem like a dreamlike state. It's weird. I can remember it so clearly though, but not so much so...does that make any sense?! We got to the hospital around 1 in the morning, and it is there that you realize that it is for real, and it is finally time.

It ended up being one long day, but at 07:41 a.m. Raymond Nicholas Gamboa Jr. was with us. I don't think that it really hit me right away, but I am glad that he has joined us, and healthy as can be! It's hard for me to type up everything that happened, and how I felt, so I will probably be adding more to this in other entry's. I realize that they might not be in sequential order, but that is the only way that I can do this at this point. MORE SOON, I promise...

Oh yeah...he came out to be 7 Ibs and 12 ounces...not quite as big as the hospital estimated...